Why I Never Lose Hope in Allah's Plan for Me.
A personal story of patience and Allah's wisdom.
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I still remember it was the time after Fajr, quite early in the morning. Everyone around was sound asleep, and I sat there , in the corner of the lounge with the laptop in my hands wondering what I'd do with my life ahead. To add in I was overcoming grief during those days after having lost the backbone of my life, my father, just few days back.
I was still young. Still in college. I didn't know how to process my feelings. Let alone what to expect of my life now. It felt as if a part of my soul had died along with him. I could see no colour in my life. Suddenly, everything looked black and white. Silence and solitude became my best friends.
I remember questioning myself who'd look after me and my younger siblings now, provide for us and fund my education. At that time I was still finding my way back to Deen and trying to develop a strong relationship with Allah.
But even in my pain, I never questioned Allah's wisdom in taking my father so early.
Though, these thoughts of how, where, did consume my mind for a while not realising at the moment that it is Allah (Ar-Razzaq) who is the Sole provider for us. Human beings are just the means, not actual sources!
Anyhow, as I sat staring at the screen looking at various stuff I could pursue after college. Keeping in mind my current situation of that time I had convinced myself that I should find something affordable or preferably free of cost.
I always dreamed of pursuing Psychology but knowing that would mean going to a university that I didn't know how to afford back then.
Although, I had always been top of my class; but after my father's sudden death my grades went down and opportunities seemed to slip away from my fingers.
So I dismissed the thought of it from my mind for sometime and started searching for other ways I could learn from the comfort of my home.
I tried to however still search for some online universities, hoping some would offer a generous amount of tuition fee.
To my happiness, I did find a few including the International Open University, of re owned scholar Dr Bilal Philips, which sadly I had to remove off the list as I couldn't travel to give the exams in a centre. I needed something completely online from studies to exams and graduation.
Continuing my search for more, I found another one which was a US based offering degrees without a $0 spent. I remember jumping in excitement at the sight of it only to be disappointed again to see very limited programmes offered and none of them included psychology, my subject of interest.
To my dismay, I left the idea of even hunting for an affordable psychology degree altogether.
Fast forward a few months later: I received an acceptance letter from a very reputable university - not for psychology, but for a Bachelor's in Computer Science. I was able to apply for it yet didn't know what to expect. I had no high expectations due to my past experiences. I hadn't planned on it either.
What makes it even more humbling is that I never specifically prayed for admission into such a university, nor for a subject I thought was out of my reach. Yet He, the Most Generous, placed it before me as if to remind me: His choices are and will always be greater than mine.
It was as though Allah wanted to show me that every delay and every disappointment had been leading me to this very destination.
After a year full of anxious mornings and sleepless nights, Allah opened a door in my life that my mind had otherwise never imagined in it's wildest dreams.
There it was! An email from the university offering me a place in their Computer Science program.
I sat still, the laptop screen blurring as tears came, not just from relief but from the slow, deep realization that Allah had been laying out a way for me the whole time, while I'd been stumbling along, accepting whatever fate handed me.
Looking back, it's clear that what I thought were closed doors were actually detours that prepared me for something better. Losing my father is the hardest test of my life, and yet through that pain Allah unfolded a path I could have never sketched myself.
I understood that Allah's plans are always more kinder, wiser and better than any of ours can be in our limited vision. And this, has become the anchor of my hope.
If there is one lesson from this story that I could give you and myself its this:
Plans will fall apart, hearts may break, people may leave, and comforts may vanish but Allah's care for you never does.
The road He chooses for us may not match the exact script laid within our minds, but it often includes parts of ourselves we would never have discovered otherwise: patience we didn't know we had, faith that grows in hardship, and skills that become means of both livelihood and service.
My acceptance into that university was not the answer I imagined; it was a better answer for the person I had to become through it.
Now when I look back at those times, with a heart full of gratitude I smile and whisper, "Alhamdulillah for everything." If it weren't for Allah's perfect plan for me, I wouldn't have the skills I possess today, the knowledge I've gained, the experiences I've lived, and the few special people I've met along the way. Not to mention, I wouldn't be here writing this on Medium!
I came to see that my story wasn't unique, it was a living example of what Allah has promised us in His words.
It reminded me of the verse in the Quran, "They planned, but Allah also planned. And Allah is the best of planners." (Surah Al-Anfal, Verse 30)
And this is why my heart never loses hope in Allah's plan . It has seen too clearly that what feels heavy today can become the very blessing you would be thanking Him for tomorrow.
Jazak-Allah Khair for reading!
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