Even If You Fell a Thousand Times Over..

Allah will still be waiting for your return.

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You sin. You regret. You repent. But then, the whole cycle repeats and somewhere along it your hope starts to feel low.

You're tired. Not just physically, but spiritually too. Tired of repeating the same mistake over and over again. Tired from fighting the same battle again and again.

You fall into sin again, break the same promise to yourself and sit there filled with shame, guilt and silence.

You ask yourself "Why do I keep doing this?" "Why can't I stop?"

You start to think "Maybe I'm not just strong enough." "Maybe, He is disappointed in me".

You wonder if He will even let you go this time, that will He even forgive me for doing this sin the 100th time? "Maybe I'm far too gone now."

But the truth is you're not too far...

You're just at war with your inner self, your nafs.

Your nafs doesn't want you to heal. It doesn't want you to feel remorse over the sin you've committed. It just wants you to stay numb, distracted and disconnected. It puts you off to delay changing from within. It comforts you every time with "Just once more" and then crushes you again with "you'll never be better".

But the guilt that you feel inside. That's not failure. That ache in your chest. That's not defeat. That is proof of the faith you have.

Because you're still trying your best. Even if it looks a little messy. Even if it seems too small. What matters is the heart and the way you carry it forward back to its Creator.

And even if no one sees the battle, Allah still sees it. He sees it all. The same sin doesn't mean you still have the same heart.

With every setback, it's learning how to come back stronger, to grow in ways where if it had never seen the fall, it would have never been able to rise with a strength that comes with seeking forgiveness and humility in the face of your own storms.

You might be falling again but your regret is also getting deeper. Your awareness is getting sharper.

And your return to Allah is more sincere each time. That's what is called growth. That is what's called to keep on moving even when it feels difficult and all hope seems to be lost. That is His mercy unfolding in your life, even when you feel stuck.

Because dear reader, you're not expected to be perfect. Allah doesn't expect perfection from us. You're just expected to keep coming back. That is what repentance is. That's what real faith looks like.

So even if you fell a moment ago, fall on your knees in sujood right now. If you fell yesterday, seek forgiveness today. If you messed up last night, seek forgiveness this morning.

And even if you're tired of trying. Try again but quietly, sincerely no need to rush. What matters what is in your heart, the intentions inside of it. So, return without any drama, without any what ifs.

Because every time you return, You prove that your nafs hasn't won. You have.